Fear

 Every day I wake up, and there's that moment before you're completely awake where all is well. Then I wake up properly thinking 'cancer'. Despite the fact that it's nearly always there at the front of my brain, I sense what I'm really not allowed to voice my fears. "Don't worry about tomorrows sorrows today". If only it were so easy. Oh, and blood is thicker than water. My sister may be a difficult one, but she's been there, and amazingly hasn't got annoyed with me! She can't cope with my distress so I tried not to show it to her.

I'm off for my ct scan later. It will be about ten days before I learn my fate. Meanwhile every ache and pain is bothering me: that pain in my back....maybe it's spread to my kidneys. Makes me feel very very sad. And not for me, but for my wolf.

Also, joy of joys, my hair is falling out because of the lack of oestrogen. It won't be long before I'm a dried up old hag. Just when I'd let myself be a little optimistic about the future.