I need to talk to someone to work out what the hell I'm feeling. I burst into tears. I long for my wolf, yet I so hate to be making him sad. The tears just leak out of me. There's no sobbing. It's so horrible waiting. Is that why I'm focussing more on the hrt? Mind you that is something to mourn, in my case. The anxiety was ridiculous, for starters. Then there's the uti's and the dry pussy. My hair will look like straw and my tits will go rapidly south. Mind you, if I have to have treatment then I won't have any hair to worry about. Aaagh. I feel like I'm going to age very very quickly in the coming weeks, one way or another. And after being so proud of my late greying it will all come in a rush. Still, as long as a version of me lives I will try to make sure my wolf never has cause to regret taking me on.
They removed some cancer. I don't know yet if it's spread. CT scan is ordered. I have been trying hard not mull the worst over, but I'm completely by myself this weekend and it's hard to keep oneself distracted. It's such a beautiful day today, the sun is shining, there's a gentle breeze, and I'm trying hard not to contemplate the fact that my poor Wolf could lose me.